Flight of the Valkyrie

What you need to know right now

2011-03-15T13:35:00.000-07:00

The three things I want you to know right away?

One, my blog has moved. You will now find it at www.flightofthevalkyrie.net

and Two, posts may be sparse for a few weeks (how will that be any different from the last year?)

finally, Three: posts may be sparse for a while, but my new web address will be one of the cornerstones of my thesis project for my master's degree. So, keep an eye out because by the middle of May, I expect to have it launched online.

Thanks everyone!

A Christmas Devotion for Ashlee

2010-12-09T16:10:00.000-08:00

There's a lot that we can say about the Christmas season, and this year is shaping up to be no exception. We're no strangers to the blessings and trials of the holidays, and by now, we've all certainly heard the popular yearly reminder as to who is really the reason for our season.

This year, however, I've been reminded to take another look at some other things that we maybe gloss over during Advent.

There is a reminder that we can catch in the Christmas season: our God is the God of Deliberate Action, and His deliberate action rarely takes the form we expect. How often to we stop to recognize the subtle acts of our Savior? Like this song suggests, the coming of Christ was a deliberate action that took a very specific form.

He is a God of process, presence and relationship that was delivered in a very small small package, with ten fingers and ten toes.

We'll hear much over the next several days about everything that can possibly be related to Christmas, from Santa, to sales, from Season's Greetings to "Jesus is the Reason" and we are tempted to find the whole thing overwhelming. But, like the song says, God came quiet, soft, and slow, and in the midst of everything that we are told to believe is a part of Christmas, God offers us an invitation to share His quiet, His soft, and His slow in our own lives. He is after all, the Prince of Peace, and his Peace--the one that surpasses understanding--can also surpass supermarket lines, traffic jams, parties, plans, and busyness. His peace is portable, and inexhaustible.

May we all find that Holy Peace we can carry with us through our Christmas season, and beyond.

How Do You Count?

2010-10-23T15:53:00.000-07:00

I am not a woman who is capable of finishing everything I attempt to start; nor do I finish things with perfection. I make reading plans so I won't fall behind in class, and then fail to use them. I plan ahead so that I won't be frantically finishing an assignment the same hour I have to go to class--and still end up printing and sprinting. Even this blog is something that I have attempted to bathe in self-discipline, only to fail. Daily we are all asked to take on things that we are capable of doing -- many of them things that we could do well. We get a lot of them done, but not all.

But is it failure?

I would like to submit the idea that we could all use a moment of self assessment; not on our rates of failure and success, but on our definitions and standards when it comes to failure and success. Sometimes we really don't come through on something we need to have done. Sometimes we mess up. Sometimes we drop the ball. Sometimes we encounter the unforeseen and we make the choice to put people before tasks. Sometimes we have delusions of minute grander that suggest to us that we are capable of ignoring the constrictors of time and space--and social lives. Sometimes we make the wrong choice. But sometimes we make the right choice, and for some reason, we want to think that it was wrong.

I wonder what would happen if we stopped to ask God his opinion before we kicked ourselves?

I would like to submit to you that God is interested in how we love Him and each other--and that our to-do lists come second to those priorities if they are in conflict. Sometimes we love best by getting things done. We all rely on each other, and if we regularly failed to get important things done, we'd have serious problems. But, I doubt that it pleases God when we get down on ourselves for not being as self-diciplined and as accomplished as we think we ought to be. I think that the Kingdom definition of productivity is slightly different than our own, and that perhaps we could benefit from learning a new way to count.

A Life of Quiet Desperation

2010-10-04T23:12:00.000-07:00

It is already week two of the new quarter and I find myself feeling terribly behind in both homework and other sundry life-things. Circumstances being what they are, last week was horribly busy for me, and did not really allow any time for school work to be done. This is not a complaint, however, because I made thoughtful choices about several of the things that took my time, and felt that they were the more important ones. Not one of those choices stand out to me at the moment as one I would go back and change. But, as the case often is, there are consequences for our choices, and the consequences I face at the moment is a flurry of activity as I try to make up lost ground before things get too far; before I resign myself to simply being behind and mildly disappointed with myself (as those two things are usually linked for me.)

As my evening class went on break tonight, I couldn't help but start to compile a mental list of all that needs doing. The chapters that need to be read, the films that need to be seen (yes, this is actually homework) the assignments to be written, and so on. I was very tempted to tell myself that this is all so very stressful, and that I am in a stressful place. I was tempted to tell myself that I am stressed, when in point of fact, I was not feeling "stressed out" as say so often. Yes, I have plenty to do, and it may feel stressful very soon, but at that moment, I wasn't feeling "stressed out", merely mindful that there is much to be done.

I have a close friend who seems always to be in a state of being "stressed out" as she puts it. There is a never ending barrage of things in her life that seem to attack her relentlessly. She does have a lot going on, and I recognize that she has every right to be stressed out from time to time. But I also can't help but sometimes feel that she chooses it. She will identify situations that shouldn't be categorized as stressful by anyone, as things that bear down on her. I think perhaps that she feels the weight of decisions with so much gravity, that there is little room in her economy for a bad decision, or even a less-than-ideal one.

Somehow tonight the thought of my to-do list, mixed in with the thought of my friend. I actively chose not to take on a perception of stress in my life.

This brought to mind a quote from Thoreau: "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

And I have to admit that in a sense, theologically, Thoreau is right. There is always so much to be done. There is always so much that we need. There is always so much that we cannot accomplish on our own, or for ourselves. We lead lives of quiet desperation, because our efforts--and we should make an effort--is only buoyed by the Grace of God. I mean that quite literally. We have a choice, where we can recognize that we need that Grace, that we live by that Grace, and that we are sustained by that Grace. Or we can not. Either way, we are living lives of quiet desperation, but I think we can make a distinction about how we look at it. We can focus on the desperation and simply live there, which results as Thoreau put it "What is called resignation is confirmed desperation." Or we can focus on the Grace that we are offered, and say "please" and "thank you".

I think this choice matters in lots of ways; two of which I can think of at this moment: choosing Grace allows us to sleep better at night. And, accepting Grace means we have some to give to others when they need it. If we are living in a state of desperation, we have no grace to spare for anyone else, because we don't think we even have enough to get by on ourselves.

Yeah, I have a lot to get done, and not too much time to do it in.

By God's Grace, it will come out.

What the H*ll Do I Know? (Confession 5)

2010-08-25T14:22:00.000-07:00

I have a friend going through a bit of a faith-crisis at the moment, and it really is one of those things that can make you feel completely impotent. Not only is nearly impossible to know what to say or do, it is pretty much certain that anything you say or do will probably only make matters worse. So you're just there for them. Let them vent if they want to, or ramble, or whatever non/verbal processing they might tend toward. And maybe, if the situation calls for it, you share what you actually know.

But what do you actually know?

And what do I actually know? So, where do I get off telling anyone else what their faith should be?

But, do I just leave it there? Let a friend languish? I have a hard time swallowing that pill. I think we should have a hard time with it. And I think how we handle it is key--and I think the place where we really go wrong is where we start offering up loads of junk that we don't personally know, in favor of churchy things we think sound right.

I think we go through seasons where our faith gets stripped down, like a sports car left in the wrong part of town. Maybe we parked ourselves in the wrong place, and it left us vulnerable. Maybe it was time for a tune up. I don't know why these things happen really, but I have noticed a pattern in my own life, and the lives of people close to me. We go through these seasons that get terribly uncomfortable, and we come out on the other side with a faith that is universally different. Sometimes we even have to go through a little bit of Hell to do it.

I did.

I stood on the outside of a very clear boundary, looking in on God and his chosen people, and I was not one of them. I was not welcome, I was not included. I was not accepted. I was not chosen. That is the Hell that I've known.

And what have I learned? A lot more than I could ever put here. And I've also learned that the first thing isn't to open my mouth and tell my hurting friend what they just have to know, so they can be fixed. Maybe the best thing I can offer is an open ear and a shut mouth. And my prayers. I'll do that too.

Birthday in LA

2010-08-20T09:03:00.000-07:00

In case any of you were wondering if I've adjusted from Idaho to Los Angeles, here's a fun 80's music video to answer you question. Or maybe, I was just looking for an excuse to post this. Either way, we're headed out on the town for a "hot time in the city" and we'll be running around the city almost as much as Randy Newman did when he made this video. At least our adventure will contain far less new-wave T&A--hopefully. (I guess the consoling thought is that not even the girls in the video look like the girls in the video anymore?)

Surprises at a "certain age"

2010-08-08T11:18:00.000-07:00

Have you reached the "certain age" where you still consider yourself young and hip, but things cross your mind or come out of your mouth that you never expected --- at least not while you were still young and hip? I've begun to collect some as they occur to my friends and me. Here's what we have so far:

while walking down the sidewalk you happen to notice a man, and think to yourself, "He's attractive". Then you notice his bald-spot. Then you realize that noticing his bald spot has had no effect on your initial assessment. You still find him attractive.
your friend is excited about her new cell phone has the perfect timer app to facilitate time-outs for her two-year old.
you put "chores" in your weekly schedule, and having a set-aside time for them is a relief, not a punishment.
Guys you know are already planning how they will intimidate the future suitors of their daughters (years in advance). Having forgotten how intimidating the fathers of girls they dated were, and how they swore to never be that mean when they got "old".
the occasional excitement over the possibility of having the time and freedom for a nap.
double-fisting coffee is more impressive (or pitiful, take your pick) than double-fisting alcohol. Either way, it is more common.
more of your friends plan their day, specifically their meals, around special dietary considerations... Soy Latte, anyone?
You realize that the phrase "settled down" might have always been code for "my butt got big, and I'm too busy to do anything about it"
someone in their early twenties calls 80's music "oldies"
you start looking for ways to defend 31 as the new 21

What would you add?

Who are you attracting?

2010-08-05T12:15:00.000-07:00

There's a New Age guru following me on twitter.

When I discovered this, I actually laughed out loud. Not that his beliefs are funny to me; but simply, I didn't see that one coming. Somehow this person found me and decided that there was some kind of value or benefit even, in clicking the follow button on my profile. There's a myriad of reasons he could have done this, many of which have nothing to do with who I am, or what I've been saying on the internet--so I'm not going to be so arrogant as to think that I am going to be the key to some profound things in his life via my excellent tweets.

In fact, when I noticed this, two voices popped into my head. One was a groovy, deadheadesque lifestyle evangelist who said "Nice, you're light in the darkness, salt to the world." The other voice was something like Dana Carvey's Church Lady, accusing me that a guru such as this may follow me because he is under the impression that we are alike.

Perhaps both little voices have an element of truth in them, and that's something I will be praying about. But the whole thing leads me to ask myself, who am I attracting to become a part of my circles of influence? I think it's good to have a variety.

Some thoughts

2010-07-13T13:14:00.000-07:00

Sitting in our morning lecture, and I have a whole train of thoughts competing with, and in response to, what Todd Johnson has to share this morning.

I got to thinking about what kind of theatre I might want to do and I returned again to the idea of shows with questions, ideas and topics that stir people up into conversation and even to action. Seeing theatre as a potential catalyst for the community, for the church. And then I heard the naysayer in my head. “Bleeding heart”

Well, perhaps our hearts need to bleed a little now and then. This world can be so hard and cold, and we bind up our hearts tightly just to survive, but what starts out as a necessity becomes a comfort zone that we retreat into, reticent to stray from. A survival tool transforms into a defensive weapon that ultimately chokes us off, and slowly kills us with hardness.

It is the subtlest suicide.

Hello from New York

2010-07-12T22:34:00.000-07:00

Well, I've tried to do some video blogging just for fun, but as these things go, technical difficulties have arisen. So, if you get to see the videos, it will likely be much after the fact.

Oh, well.

I can tell you that I have never been in a more humid environment before, and it takes some getting used to. But that's pretty much all I have to complain about, and that ain't too bad.

We've already caught two shows so far: In the Heights and also Shakespeare in the park's production of A Winters Tale. (this is my contraband picture from inside the theatre just before the show)

Tomorrow we will attempt to get student rush tickets for Mamet's latest offering, "Race" currently starring Eddie Izzard.

So, we've begun our discussion on topics related to Faith and Theatre. We've already begun to have an interesting and productive time.

Questions from NYC ala Brehm Center

2010-07-12T13:15:00.000-07:00

You may remember a few months ago I posted some questions for your consideration. This week, as we went around the group to introduce ourselves to one another, I couldn't help but really stand on that leg for a moment. I want to know what the questions are, specifically for people who are in my position, or positions similar to mine. What are we dealing with? Struggling with? What have we learned the hard way, and what were we graced to know without having to pay a costly price to learn?

The questions are beginning to take shape. And I may post some of what I discover as comments to this post, but like I asked before:

What are your questions?
Be Specific.
Seriously.
What are your questions?

For less than a dollar a day, you can neglect this child

2010-05-24T16:25:00.000-07:00

"For the record, minimum wage in Honduras is over a dollar an hour. The rest of Central America is similar.On the off chance you care."

This was a tweet-response that a classmate of mine wrote today as we hit some final topics in our Theology and Culture, while the professor talked about Globalization. And my immediate response was to jokingly say who does care? Not because that's what I actually think, but that's how I think we actually operate.

But then the thought occurred to me. We get outraged (or pretend to be) by the unequal distribution of wealth. And I think that reveals an underlying worship of money. We see our global neighbors living in squalor, and if we're motivated enough, we throw some money at them--or try to. And how much actually gets to where we think it needs to go, anyway? How much is our belief system Money Will Make It All Better actually working?

I don't really see money as the actual source of happiness and well-being. Quality of life is not exclusively linked to finances.

So when I see my friend's comment about the wages in Central America, I don't get particularly outraged or saddened. What I want to know is, do they have access to education? Health care? Sanitation? Avenues of communication? Vaccines? Clean water? Governments and police forces run with far less corruption?

But Nicky, you say, those things take money. And yes, that can't be gotten away from, in the current state of our world. But what I am saying, is that if we simply send more money, or get the minimum wage to be doubled in Honduras, the problems aren't going to go away.

I'm asking, what will it take to improve the quality of life for those people who make $1 per hour? I'm suggesting it will take more than our money. It takes our participation. It takes our community.

At that point, we can bring our cash with us if we like.

About Religion Ch. 10: Indifference

2010-05-20T23:42:00.000-07:00

In the end, I find that although I understood Mark C. Taylor’s about religion more than I had expected, I still understood it less than I had hoped.

Having said that, however, I can taste the urge toward Christ that I think he’s getting at in the last chapter. I can hear an echo of the quizzical declaration “I am that I AM” that thundered – however quietly – from the burning bush. We’re familiar with the statement, and so it doesn’t always seem that complicated or profound. But it is.

But as I try to push through Taylor’s closing thoughts, and there is so much in the last chapter, it could pretty much stand alone, my mind ticks along both with and against him.

“With the loss of gravity, nothing remains serious. When nothing weighs us down, we loose our moorings and are left to float freely.”

I suppose that might sum up the things that I’ve been thinking—not just this quarter but all year. In a sense it feels like a mistake to try to push into God, to learn more, to understand more, to wield more. It feels like a mistake because we can forget more, mistake more, hurt more. It has a gravity that you don’t really understand until it’s too late.

*as part of an assignment/educational experiment, I am blogging my way through the required reading for one of my courses this quarter. If you wish to read all the posts that I write for this class click on the label TC 500, below. I will also be tweeting some thoughts as well. Check them out at @nickybarger, they're labeled with #tc500

About Religion Ch 9: Learning Curves

2010-05-16T23:42:00.000-07:00

In Japanese culture, there is the understanding that space and time are inseparable. They call this MA. It is a concept that is asserted in the sculpture of artist Richard Serra. The whole business is very complex, and for the most part, I think I follow what Taylor is saying about it. But at the same time, I am distracted by the memory of a scene from an old episode of Tiny Toon Adventures—a cartoon I watched after school when I was much younger.
In the episode, all the characters are presenting student film projects that they have done, and one girl (who’s name I can’t remember—I tried to find the clip for you but had no luck) had a LONG clip that was supposed to be metaphysical, or transcendental or something. Instead, it was so obtuse that no one got it but her.
That’s how I feel looking at Serra’s sculptures pictured in the book.

*as part of an assignment/educational experiment, I am blogging my way through the required reading for one of my courses this quarter. If you wish to read all the posts that I write for this class click on the label TC 500, below. I will also be tweeting some thoughts as well. Check them out at @nickybarger, they're labeled with #tc500

About Religion Ch 8: Apprehension

2010-05-16T23:35:00.000-07:00

Here, Taylor introduces us to the minimalist sculptor Fred Sandback:

“When art works, it provokes the return of the repressed by rendering apprehension apprehensible. The art that really matters turns us toward that which turns away from us and from which we tend to turn away. This is what Sandback’s empty sculptures to. They are effective because they are about nothing. When art is about nothing, it surrounds the nothingness that surrounds it. By de-limiting nothing, the work of art exposes us to the void in whose midst we are destined to dwell. In the seemingly tranquil spaces framed by fuzzy lines drawn by thin strands of yarn, nothing is apprehensible.”

And while I can’t say that I find the installation world-altering, reading about the context in Taylor’s book does paint Sandback’s work as inspired and intriguing. I find myself staring at that piece of acrylic black yarn and thinking that it is more inspiring than any Thomas Kinkade painting I’ve ever seen. I wish I could be in the space, with the book and just take a moment to inhale the empty space and see the connections made—that must look entirely arbitrary—and just ponder what I might learn about my own life in that moment.

How’s that for unexpected?

*as part of an assignment/educational experiment, I am blogging my way through the required reading for one of my courses this quarter. If you wish to read all the posts that I write for this class click on the label TC 500, below. I will also be tweeting some thoughts as well. Check them out at @nickybarger, they're labeled with #tc500

California Girl

2010-05-15T19:54:00.000-07:00

What follows is an approximation of an actual conversation between a friend and myself in the recent past. It should be noted that ever since I decided to come to Fuller, my friend has been pessimistic about the prospects of my ever returning to Idaho. Here, she was trying to determine the chances of my return:

My friend: So, are you a Californian yet?

Me: Well, I was forced to get a California license. Does that count?

My friend: not especially. What else?

Me: Well, I have lived here for several months and I really do like it. Oh, and I also wear really big sunglasses now.

My friend: ok, what else?

Me: Um, lets see. I've taken up yoga, and I only drink soy lattes now.

My friend: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

About Religion Ch 7 The Virtual Kingdom

2010-05-14T19:27:00.000-07:00

“When art becomes so abstract that it is irrelevant, it provokes efforts to develop socially useful art; conversely when art becomes so worldly that everything seems to be art, strategies to create critical distance begin to emerge. The history of art in this century can be understood as the dialectical interplay of these two contrasting tendencies.”

So, once again it comes back to tension. Conflict and tension. Apparently it is the very thing we run on—we need it to create, to motivate, to inspire, to move. Without it we are bored, lethargic, gluttonous, lazy, passive and cruel. This must somehow be hard wired into us, right with the impulse to bite that first apple.

We aren’t self-starters after all.

“The Fall”, as we put it, wasn’t a surprise to God. But it is to us.

And not to credit God with the creation of Evil or anything so extreme, but it seems to me that he knows how he built this crazy, complex existence with far more intricacy than we could possibly ever realize.

*as part of an assignment/educational experiment, I am blogging my way through the required reading for one of my courses this quarter. If you wish to read all the posts that I write for this class click on the label TC 500, below. I will also be tweeting some thoughts as well. Check them out at @nickybarger, they're labeled with #tc500

About Religion Ch. 6 Christianity and the Capitalism of Spirit

2010-05-13T19:25:00.000-07:00

What is the Currency of God?

Does He deal in inflation?

Does the price of art fluctuate in the Kingdom?

This is a total play on a sub heading in this chapter—and not really what the chapter is about, but Mark C. Taylor heads a section here with the phrase “The Currency of God”.

It makes me wonder, though, because the phrase “economy of God” is so dang popular. I use it—and I use it with purpose. I like the phrase, frankly because it usually helps me make a point.

And Mark C. Taylor makes another: our Protestantism is married to our capitalism in ways that we don’t even want to acknowledge.

*as part of an assignment/educational experiment, I am blogging my way through the required reading for one of my courses this quarter. If you wish to read all the posts that I write for this class click on the label TC 500, below. I will also be tweeting some thoughts as well. Check them out at @nickybarger, they're labeled with #tc500

Quote of the Day

2010-05-12T08:29:00.000-07:00

"People often think of Christian morality as a kind of bargain in which God says, 'If you keep a lot of rules, I'll reward you, and if you don't I'll do the other thing.' I do not think that is the best way of looking at it. I would much rather say that every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing into a Heaven creature or into a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow creatures, and with itself. To be the one kind of creature is Heaven: that is, it is joy, and peace, and knowledge, and power. To be the other means madness, horror, idiocy, rage, impotence, and eternal loneliness. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state or the other."
~C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Quote of the Day

2010-05-11T17:34:00.000-07:00

"In a world where illusions are real and the real is illusory, creatio ex nihilo becomes 'I create nothing.'"

Mark C. Taylor
About Religion

For Your Consideration: Derek Webb - "I Love/Hate You"

2010-05-10T11:11:00.000-07:00

About Religion Ch 5: Terminal Condition

2010-05-09T23:43:00.005-07:00

We like to look at our current condition with both fear and awe, and at any given moment, we are either terrified at the coming dawn or inspired by it. We hold our past in a kind of glorified nostalgia tempered with distain: where our origins were both more pure and simple, but also darker and more primitive. It is a tension that we are generally unable to maintain simultaneously; and so we choose to either vilify or exalt whatever helps us in our current position.

When we recognize our trajectory as characterized by reckless speed and abandon, we cannot help but see the past as a comforting home that we’ve all but abandoned. We certainly had it better then.

When we recognize the inadequacies of our current context, we cannot but hope for the champion of the future to come and make our problems go away.

About Religion Ch 4 Minding the Brain

2010-05-08T23:43:00.000-07:00

“As technological innovations hasten the globalization of culture, the need to cultivate channels of communication that effectively cut across social and political boundaries grows ever more urgent.”

Could this be more evident in the current state of affairs within generation gaps? Of course it has (largely) always been the case that from one generation to another, there seems to be an inherent default setting toward misunderstanding one another. But I see this truly present in the moment. There is a whole generation who are completely at home with the phrase “global village” and who understand that to function in the dawning millennium is to engage the global village and find one’s constructive place in it.

There is also a generation who know the term quite well, and frankly, vilify it.

Where are you?

Why?

*as part of an assignment/educational experiment, I am blogging my way through the required reading for one of my courses this quarter. If you wish to read all the posts that I write for this class click on the label TC 500, below. I will also be tweeting some thoughts as well. Check them out at @nickybarger, they're labeled with #tc500

About Religion: Ch. 3 Politics of a Theory

2010-05-07T23:43:00.000-07:00

An interesting and obviously complicated man, Freud had the majority of the surface of the desk covered in figurines of ancient deities and other anthropological curios. Apparently, although not a religious man himself, these little statues and the ideas they represent were inspiring to him. It makes me wonder, what nicabrick do we allow to overrun the spaces in our lives, and to what end?—Especially when we profess that the religious ideas that those items represent aren’t in line with the tenants of our belief systems.
I haven’t really studied Freud, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that those little figurines and the ideas they represent were much more influential to him than he was ever willing to admit.
And so I wonder: how many false idols are scattered around my living space? How much do I secretly cherish them?

*as part of an assignment/educational experiment, I am blogging my way through the required reading for one of my courses this quarter. If you wish to read all the posts that I write for this class click on the label TC 500, below. I will also be tweeting some thoughts as well. Check them out at @nickybarger, they're labeled with #tc500

About Religion: Ch. 2 Denegating God

2010-05-06T14:57:00.000-07:00

In Chapter 2, Taylor takes us through an exercise in a kind of home-brewed double-negative cryptology. My roommate is a psych student, and she was recently telling me about why the phrase “I am not a crook” was a total career-disaster for Nixon. Basically, our brains don’t process negative statements (as in to negate) as quickly and easily as positive ones. Our knee-jerk reaction to a statement like “I am not a crook” is to doubt it’s true. We would be more ready to believe a statement like “I am honest”.

Beginning this chapter, I doubted if Taylor had ever had the privilege of living with a psych student. Granted, I realize that his words are carefully chosen, and that the point he’s making wouldn’t be made if he’d chosen the easier phrasing for his sentences.

Still, it was exhausting to fight through.

Quote of the Day

2010-05-06T12:56:00.000-07:00

"If in our pursuit of greater theological knowledge God has gotten smaller, we've been deceived along the way."

~Beth Moore, Believing God

About Religion

2010-05-05T15:07:00.000-07:00

As you have seen previously, several of my classmates and I are participating in a little academic experiment. Instead of turning in a lame, obligatory, just-to-prove-I-read-the-book two page paper (which isn't really enough space to do anything but prove--hopefully--that you actually have read the book) many of us are choosing to respond to our required reading through alternative methods: Twitter and blogging.

I have chosen to alternate between both virtual mediums, and over the next few days you will probably see posts from a few selected chapters of our next book, Mark C. Taylor's About Religion. I've begun to look at this book already, and it's a doozy. I don't promise I'll understand the point he's making, but I'll do my darnedest to at least find something I can sink my teeth into and write about that.

If you wish to read all the posts that I write for this class click on the label TC 500, below. I will also be tweeting some thoughts as well. Check them out at @nickybarger, they're labeled with #tc500

For your consideration

2010-05-03T10:05:00.000-07:00

An interesting video I stumbled across this morning. Perhaps even an interesting lead-in for the discussion we'll be having today in my Theology and Culture class about Body.

For Your Consideration

2010-04-28T23:07:00.000-07:00

Do you know about the awesome band Mutemath? If you don't you really need to check them out, they have a seriously cross geneational/demographic/creed/culture kind of sound. If you do know them, I am sure that I don't have to urge you to listen to these two videos at all. In fact you probably didn't read this far before you hit play.

it's not About Me, at least not entirely

2010-04-27T15:00:00.000-07:00

I started this blog a couple of years ago because I would go to a Bible study, or read a book or a devotional, and have some kind of interesting thought or even a revelation about God, or faith, or living as a Christian. I would go home to my empty house and want to tell someone about it, but I lived alone.

Eventually the thought occurred to me to try to write those things out, and even to post them on a blog. But, I didn't really tell anyone about it. And while you're scratching your head, wondering how blogging to no one is different than talking to myself as I stand over the kitchen sink eating my dinner, I'll tell you that it is pretty much the same. And really different.

Writing these things out helped me solidify what would have otherwise been fleeting ideas and revelations. I've learned from the process; and I think that is evident in the writing to anyone who's daring enough to sift through this blog's history.

The point never was to make myself out to be an authority on Christianity. I am neither a dead English apologist, nor a perky blond Texan. This is just me, trying to figure a thing or two out; which may or may not be helpful or interesting to those who happen to wander onto this site. While I think some of my older posts may have a tone that comes off like I know something that you need to know too, that was never my attitude nor perspective. Hopefully my tone is more genuine these days.

What you can expect to see from here on out is more of the things that I learn, the things I discover, and the things that interest or even excite me. The occasional video, or image should be expected. You may even see that the posts become more and more broad, and more loosely related to one another. That's because I'm learning about God in a whole bunch of different ways, some of them more subtle than others.

What you can expect not to see here are posts about my knitting club, my love for cats or videos of my children. Not that those things don't make great blogs, but none of them are applicable to my life. So you may or may not get to know me better. But I don't feel like that's the point of this blog, anyway. It's why I never did the obligatory 'About Me' post, so common on blogger.

Sacred Matters: Death

2010-04-13T00:22:00.000-07:00

What can be more religiously appealing than the mystery of Death?

*as part of an assignment/educational experiment, I am blogging my way through the required reading for one of my courses this quarter. If you wish to read all the posts that I write for this class click on the label TC 500, below. I will also be tweeting some thoughts as well. Check them out at @nickybarger, they're labeled with #tc500

**I failed to mention this previously, the book I am currently blogging in response to is Sacred Matters by Gary Laderman

Sacred Matters: Sexuality

2010-04-12T14:01:00.000-07:00

Truly universal, sex and sexuality is a facet of the human experience that all cultures have in common.

I think, personally, that there is so much more to God’s creation and design of the sex act than we commonly understand. I think that we sense this at least to a degree because we take sexual transgression so seriously. It is also hinted at by the anthropological truth that so many (ancient and even modern) religions have a sexual element to them.

This religious drive is often expressed in language of fertility, but I think we understand that it is more significant than the mere propagation of the species.

We can encounter an expression of the divine when engaged sexually, even if we are unwilling to admit a belief in the divine.

Sacred Matters: Medicine

2010-04-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

Has modern medicine hit a new arrogance? Or has it always been like this? We can look back at medicinal practices from a few hundred years ago or even those of only a few decades years ago and call them “medieval”. Leeching? Electroshock therapy? But then, some old practices get recycled and spruced up. Leaching made a reappearance in the late 20^th century; and electroshock? Yeah, it’s back too.

I admit, I am a devotee of modern medicine as much as the next person. I carry Advil in my purse and backpack. If I break a bone, you bet I want to go to the hospital. I don’t see a need to villainize it either.

But at the same time, I can’t help but feel like there’s a little monster lurking at the boundaries of our love for modern medicine. It has something to do with our eventual attempt to create our own immortality. And if we can do that, we can declare ourselves to be gods.

Sacred Matters: celebrity

2010-04-12T11:21:00.000-07:00

Celebrity worship is something that is so embedded in our culture, that I think we’ve become so desensitized to it, we engage in it without realizing it. Surely celebrity worship isn’t a new cultural phenomenon. I imagine there was some celebrity worship of Moses, before and after his death. And what about ancient emperor cults? Institutionalized (even legally mandated) celebrity worship.

But there’s a new way that this ancient behavior has functioned in the modern world. Before, legends were passed, monuments and statues were erected and the mythos of the celebrity was more ethereal, intangible and perhaps even more epic. But now, in the modern world, it’s more personal. And for the modern mind, personal is what counts. The introduction of radio, film, television, podcasts and other technological advances have brought the celebrities we wish to worship into our presence in a more personal way. People now speak of having connections with the famous people they adore. They feel that they can relate to this person or that person. They also feel more entitled to judge them as well.

And our modern celebrity worship is also more sneaky. I can enter into the online fan-page-temple of my favorite pop-culture icon in the privacy of my own home. And only my internet browser’s history is the wiser. I can lie to you about my idols, and so I can lie to myself too.

*as part of an assignment/educational experiment, I am blogging my way through the required reading for one of my courses this quarter. If you wish to read all the posts that I write for this class click on the label TC 500, below. I will also be tweeting some thoughts as well. Check them out at @nickybarger, they're labeled with #tc500

**I failed to mention this previously, the book I am currently blogging in response to is Sacred Matters by Gary Laderman

Sacred Matters: Film

2010-04-09T15:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever stopped to consider the impact of the films you watch on your life?

Our religious instincts are irrevocably connected to our methods of storytelling. Film and movies (for those of you who make the distinction) are a significant part of how our cultural identity has been—and is being—formed. We delight in being entertained, and we go to the movie theatre for the experience, and for many that experience includes little food rituals.

We recognize this when we say that this movie or that one really needs to be seen on the “big screen” because we understand that something is lost when we view these stories on the small screen at home. Some movies strike us as impactful enough to warrant our time, money, spatial presence and even our discussion.

Yes we take our movie experiences very seriously.

Don’t believe me? Talk really loud through the next film you go to, and see how long it takes for someone to ask you to stop.

41 blessings in one day

2010-04-08T23:37:00.000-07:00

1. I woke up on time (yes, on a day like today, undoubtedly a blessing)
2. I managed to get to my 8 am class on time
3. before I got to class, I actually had time to grab a cup of coffee.
4. and before that, I managed to eat a decent breakfast (this will be even more important in a moment)
5. I had finished my scholarship application the night before, and was able to head right out to the post office
6. made it to the post office in time to send scholarship materials via priority mail instead of express mail, at a savings of ten dollars
7. because of some very lovely friends, I had my bicycle here in Pasadena, which was a nice alternative to driving my car around town all day wasting gas that I can't afford to buy.
8. had first dental check up in over two years (thanks to my new handy-dandy dental coverage) and have no "problem spots" or cavities
9. I have dental insurance for the first time in years, and because of this, I did not have to pay for my e-xrays or check up.
10. the bike ride on to my next stop, the DMV, had light traffic, and was mostly downhill. Yay for coasting.

11. I made it to the DMV to get a shiny new California drivers license just a few minutes before a ton of people, and ended up in a long line, instead of a LONG LONG horrible long line.
12. Happened to be in line with a lovely lady for about two hours who was very nice, had great stories about her family, and was a pleasant waiting companion.
13. got inside into the air-conditioned shade of the DMV in under an hour and a half (again, you might not think that this is a blessing, but people behind me in line waited longer than that)
14. once I got my number inside the DMV to wait my turn, I was told that I should expect another hour and a half wait until my number was called. It was less than half that time.
15. the creepy guy who sat next to me in the waiting room, who kept talking to me, was called in first
16. the nice looking biker setting behind me gave me the "do you want me to take care of the creepy guy?" nod.
17. I didn't have to tell him yes
19. every DMV employee I dealt with was actually very nice (well, except one, but she only took my picture, so she hardly counts) despite the fact that the place was crazy busy.
20. One of those very nice employees yelled at creepy man when he tried to make a pass.

21. I managed to actually get some reading for class done while I waited in various lines today
22. Although it did not occour to me that I should be spending that waiting time reading the California driver's handbook in case they have some crazy laws I don't know about, I still passed. And yes, there were questions about crazy California laws that I didn't know about.
23. I realized near the end of my DMV experience that I had not eaten since 7 am, and was gratefully only mildly hungry.
24. SOMEHOW I was patient through the entire process.
25. the cute elderly couple I got to watch go through the process of getting ID cards together. They were easily 500 years old, each, and still twitterpated.
26. my bizarre temporary paper license that I can send a copy of to Idaho, and will end my woes with the Idaho State Jury Commissioner.
27. Somehow, I managed to get through the whole DMV process before they closed at 5, thereby avoiding the need for a return trip.
28. Upon returning to where I had left my bike locked up, it was still there, with nothing missing, and was not boiling hot.
29. the target store that was close to the DMV: by now my body was mad at me for not having food or more water (I'd had my water bottle with me, but I'd long since finished it off) so I could go in for more airconditioning, a snack and some water
30. target carries baskets that will attach to the handle bars of your bike (and man, my backpack was at least 20 pounds. seriously.)

31. The security guard at target went out into the parking lot with me and attached the basket to my bike for me since I did not have the necessary tools.
32. In the TEN MILES that I rode today on my bike (well, it's a ton for me. don't judge) there were no scary incidents with any other solid objects, moving, stationary, or otherwise.
33. as I pathetically continued to peddle myself home, way too exhausted, sunburnt and dehydrated, somehow I made it home to a big piture of water, and a nice, long, cold shower.
34. I didn't have to heat up a dinner, I don't think my body would have accepted it.
35. I was able to stay home once I got home. I don't think I could have gone out again.
36. the aloe that I keep in the fridge
37. the light ice cream that was in the freezer.
38. the last of my stock of lactaid that was enough for me to eat that ice cream.
39. I have lovey friends who would care enough to let me tell them about my crazy day in a list of 38 things that turned out to be blessings.
40. I can recognize that God blessed me in at least 39 ways today, and I wonder how many more that I didn't notice.

I think some of the circumstances I encountered today could have given me a really bad mood, and then today would have been the worst. Instead, I kept looking for something lovely, for ways that things went right instead of wrong.

41. God blessed me with the perspective today that enabled me to see a busy, stressful day as an adventure full of blessings. There's no way my human self would have seen it that way if He hadn't of helped me to.

Is that contestant on American Idol a Christian? Scorecard: A Stuff Christians Like Guest Post

2010-04-06T01:03:00.000-07:00

58. They swear during one of their interviews but it’s a safe Christian swear when used in the right context and they were talking about "hell."= + 2 points

To add up your score with over a 130 other ideas on this scorecard, visit stuffchristianslike.net.

Cake or Death?

2010-04-05T22:09:00.000-07:00

Today we were given an assignment in my theology and culture class; or rather, an existing assignment was altered. Instead of journaling our thoughts about class, we are to do an act of kindness and then write about it. I think I might stand on the corner and dance with a sign that says "Cake or Death?". We can call it the tract for the more visually stimulated emerging generation.

Well, it's a start anyway.

Or perhaps, I can find something to do that can have more impact than a tract; visual or otherwise.

What are your questions?

2010-04-05T12:20:00.000-07:00

Questions can be valuable. They can prompt us to be thoughtful and deliberate and can stir us up where we are stagnant. They get our minds going. They can wake us up.

Here are some of mine:

What is the value of anger? Why do we feel compelled to come to the aid of God as if he were crippled in some way? When is turning around giving up, and when does it mean that you're trying harder? What is judgment? What does God love about the state of humanity RIGHT NOW? Why do we feel threatened by the choices we have? Why do we like to call our possessions "blessings"? Why do we feel threatened by those who differ/disagree with us? Why do we have a need to abolish questions within our faith? When does the value of the question supersede the value of the answer?

What are yours?

Quote of the Day

2010-04-01T11:18:00.000-07:00

"The world is, to a degree at least, the way we imagine it. When we think it to be godless and soulless, it becomes for us, precisely that. And then we ourselves are made over into the image of godless and soulless selves."
The Powers that Be, Walter Wink

a reminder

2010-03-30T07:34:00.000-07:00

It's easy in Los Angeles to forget what attracts a person to theatre in the first place.

Quote of the Day

2010-03-29T18:43:00.000-07:00

He who surrenders himself without reservation to the temporal claims of a nation, or a party, or a class is rendering to Caesar that which, of all things, most emphatically belongs to God: himself...

C. S. Lewis

For Your Consideration

2010-03-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

I could say a few things about this; but I'd rather dialogue with you about it.

Just a little stream-of-consciousness

2010-03-19T10:54:00.000-07:00

Something got my mind spinning this morning on our nostalgic hold on the idea of family, and how the reconstruction of this concept has been a little threatening to some. It made me think about the way we idealize our collective past: "the good ol' days". How much of this nostalgia seems to me to be rooted in our desire for security. So then, I wondered, what if we could be bold enough to loosen our grip on our need for security? What if we gave up our right to demand security?

Well, then, we'd have to really trust God, wouldn't we?

Funny thing is, the God I know is far more capable of keeping us safe and secure than we could ever do for ourselves.

So then, I asked myself, What would it look like if I put aside my attempts at maintaining my comfort, my security, my safety? What if I instead used that time, energy and resources, to engage the world around me?

What do you imagine would happen in our world if we dared to live that way?

(How's that for end-of-finals-week delirium?)

Fuller Vandalized?

2010-03-15T12:29:00.000-07:00

Today marks the official start of finals week for the winter quarter at Fuller and students scampering across campus to take exams or begin last minute research found something unexpected in front of the library.

There's no signature on the work, nor any explanation. Apparently the popular theory is that "science thugs" from Cal Tech thought it would be funny to give our religion a little science. It's a little artistic for scientists, I think, and there is no comment from Cal Tech. That is to say, I didn't ask them for comment.

Move over, Britney

2010-03-10T01:50:00.000-08:00

There's a new queen of the highschool hallway, and she facinates me more than you ever will, Miss Spears. If you haven't discovered Zooey Deschanel's foray into the music world, start now. I was so entranced with this video, I watched it three times in a row. And don't miss the fact that she has her shirt buttoned up to the chin.

Quote of the Day

2010-02-22T08:12:00.003-08:00

Something I don't usually share: a playlist for your consideration

2010-02-09T00:59:00.000-08:00

****I made several attempts to get the playlist to embed into the post, but it wouldn't work, and I had to give up. So if you're interested, take a listen here.*****

It has become my habit, for various reasons, to create a playlist for myself when I am cast in a show. The songs I select are usually ones I already own--although it isn't unheard of for me to purchase a song or two for my playlist--that address the character I am playing in some fashion or another. The music I select may or may not be songs that the character herself would listen to. I can often be found updating the playlist, adding or removing music as I find my way through the rehearsal process; but I rarely mess with it once the show has opened.

The playlist, as you may imagine, is for me and not something I openly share with friends or cast-mates; at least until the end of closing night. It's not that my playlists are super-private or personal. I don't think they're too revealing about who I am as a person or anything. They're just something I do. Compling the music I use backstage for my personal script time, and warm-up time, greenroom time, and whatever-time, has become a useful tool.

You may find my selections trite, and predictable. I'm not sharing this sample playlist to impress you or anything. I just was mulling over the thought that our culture is attached to popular music in a very interesting way--specifically since the modern occurrence of soundtracks that accompany one of our most popular means of storytelling: film. The way we relate to music these days is a significant part of what drives me to create these playlists for myself. Perhaps one song helps me access a mood that my character shares. Perhaps this song deals with the play's subtext (or actual plot). Whatever it is, it is an behavior that we all engage in; some more deliberately than others. I simply put it to use for the plays that I act in--and I'm certainly not the first actor to do this.

I am excited to share that I have been cast in the upcoming production of the newly formed Fuller Company, in two of the one-act plays that will be offered. I thought it may be interesting to do something that I've never done before: make my playlist public before a show, should anyone happen to be interested. So, you will find part of the playlist I have compiled--as it stands tonight--for one of those two shows, below.

If you happen to be in the Los Angeles area on March 5th and 6th, we will be performing in Fuller Theological Seminary's Travis auditorium.

I only ask one thing of you: This playlist is provided for your enjoyment, and perhaps some masochistic need to expose myself to criticism. This playlist is not intended to be representative of the plays themselves, are not the approved soundtrack of a director, nor should be considered in any way a teaser for what you should expect of the performance. They are simply the songs I'm listening to while I do my script work, and may be the ones I listen to at some point before I go on stage. So my request is this: enjoy the music for now; and forget about it when you come see the show.

Are you Lazy? (confession 4)

2010-02-02T10:16:00.000-08:00

Man, sometimes I feel like the laziest person I know.

I live with two other women, and we're all quite different from one another. Both of my roommates put me to shame when it comes to focus. They both always seem to be studying, or getting lots of other things done. One of my roommates has commented on several occasions that since I've moved into the apartment, she feels like she's been on a nearly non-stop vacation. She means it as a complement, but I can't help but feel the indictment in it too.

Let's add to the equation, that the sermon series for the last few weeks at my church has been Fresh Start (it's good stuff. listen to it here). This series among other things, has been challenging us to recognize where we may've dropped the ball --perhaps in 2009-- and encouraging us to get back on track in 2010. Hey, there's no shame in placing a sermon series at the top of the new year that hopefully capitalizes on our desire to start a new year off on the right foot.

All totaled. I feel like a lazy lump. Over the last few months, my to do lists seem to be less and less crossed off. I'll even confess that I may have avoided making a list (literal or metaphorical) on a few occasions, just so I wouldn't have to face it unfinished at the end of the day.

But, I keep returning to God on this topic, and we're working on some things together.

So, do you feel lazy? Are you doing anything about it?

Just for Fun

2010-01-25T22:30:00.000-08:00

To my knowledge, no one involved in this video has any association with Fulller, but it is the kind of thing that some of us Bible geeks get a kick out of. Thanks to Josh for sending it my way.

The Paradox of the Mourning Christian

2010-01-12T13:02:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, the Fuller community will gather together to mourn. Over the Christmas break Ruth Vuong, Dean of Students, suddenly passed away.

There are many people on campus who knew Dean Vuong personally, and many who did not. Personally, I only had the privilege of meeting her on a couple of occasions. Yet even to someone who did not really know her personally, her loss is nearly tangible on campus, as the community collectively mourns. I do not need to have been in personal relationship with her to know how this feels. We all have experienced loss, haven't we?

Loss and mourning are strange creatures, especially for Christians. At times, it seems wrong to be sad, to mourn, to feel the pain of loss over another Christian. After all, no matter the specifics of our theology of Heaven, we all basically understand that death isn't the end, right? Don't we know, somehow, that if she goes to heaven, and we go to heaven then that means we'll be together again? Isn't that what we believe? And if it is, then why are we sad? Afterall, haven't we all heard the saying, "it's not good bye, it's see you later"? So why do we still mourn? Does it betray us, showing what little faith we actually have? Or is it something else?

This gets me to thinking about Lazarus; well more specifically about Jesus and Lazarus. Jesus stood at the tomb, knew what he was about to do, and how did he respond? He wept. Jesus wept knowing he was about to restore Lazarus.

I don't think our mourning betrays our faith. We have lost years of opportunity for relationship with Ruth Vuong. Opportunities to create memories, to benefit from her wisdom, to have shared experiences, to get to know her. It is our loss, and it is right to acknowlege it. We are created for relationship and community, and a measure of it is taken from us when someone dies. Jesus knew this, and felt the very real pain of that loss before he restored Lazarus.

There is the paradox of the mourning Christian. We weep over a temporary loss, that in our finite understanding feels so eternal. But this is, in a sense, good. If we can mourn, despite our understanding of the afterlife, it reveals the value we have for relationship. And there, the God of relationship can and does minister to us.

Another way to see it, part 2

2009-12-16T15:20:00.000-08:00

Continued from part one

     But during these fifty days the oldest, poorest and most miserable of the citizens put on false beards and red robes and walk about the market-place; being disguised (in my opinion) as Cronos. And the sellers of gifts no less than the purchasers become pale and weary, because of the crowds and the fog, so that any man who came into a Niatirbian city at this season would think some great public calamity had fallen on Niatirb. This fifty days of preparation is called in their barbarian speech the Exmas Rush.
But when the day of the festival comes, then most of the citizens, being exhausted with the Rush, line in bed till noon. But in the evening they eat five times as much super as on other days and, crowning themselves with crowns of paper, they become intoxicated. And on the day after Exmas they are very grave, being internally disordered by the supper and the drinking and reckoning how much they have spent on gifts and on the wine.   For wine is so dear among the Niatirbians that a man must swallow the worth of a talent before he is well intoxicated.
     Such, then, are their customs about Exmas. But the few among the Niatirbians have also a festival, separate and to themselves, called Crissmas, which is on the same day as Exmas. And those who keep Crissmas, doing the opposite to the majority of the Niatirbians, rise early on that day with shining faces and go before sunrise to certain temples where they partake of a sacred feast. And in most of the temples they set out images of a fair woman with a new-born Child on her knees and certain animals and shepherds adoring the Child. (The reason of these images is given in a certain sacred story which I know but do not repeat.)
    But I myself conversed with a priest in one of these temples and asked him why they kept Crissmas on the same day as Exmas; for it appeared to me inconvenient. But the priest replied, It is not lawful, O Stranger, for us to change the date of Crissmas, but would that Zeus would put it into the minds of the Niatirbians to keep Exmas at some other time or not to keep it at all. For Exmas and the Rush distract the minds even of the few from sacred things. And we indeed are glad that men should make merry at Crissmas; but in Exmas there is no merriment left. And when I asked him why the endured the Rush, he replied, It is, O Stranger, a racket; using (as I suppose) the words of some oracle and speaking unintelligibly to me (for a racket is and instrument which the barbarians use in a game called tennis).
     But what Hecataeus says, that Exmas and Crissmas are the same, is not credible. For first, the pictures which are stamped on the Exmas-cards have nothing to do with the sacred story which the priests tell about Crissmas. And secondly, the most part of the Niatirbians, not believing the religion of the few, nevertheless send the gifts and cards and participate in the Rush and drink, wearing paper crowns. But it is not likely that men, even being barbarians, should suffer so many and great things in honor of a god they do not believe in. And now, enough aabout Niatirb.

~CS Lewis
The timeless writings of CS Lewis, page 506

Another way to see it, part 1

2009-12-09T14:20:00.000-08:00

because he wrote it better than I could...

Xmas and Christmas
A lost chapter form Herodotus

     And beyond this there lies in the ocean, turned towards the west and north, the island of Niatrirb which Hecataeus indeed declares to be the same size and shape as Sicily, bu it is larger, though in calling it triangular a man would not miss the mark. It is densely inhabited by men who wear clothes not very different from the other barbarians who occupy the north-western parts of Europe though they do not agree with them in language. These islanders, surpassing all the men of whom we know in patience and endurance, use the following customs.
     In the middle of winter when fogs and rains most abound they have a great festival which they call Exmas, and for fifty days they prepare for it in the fashion I shall describe. First of all, every citizen is obliged to send to each of his friends and relations a square piece of hard paper stamped with a picture, which in thier speech is called an Exmas-card. But the picture represents birds sitting on branches, or trees with a dark green prickly leaf, or else men in such garments as the Niatirbians believe that their ancestors wore two hundred years ago riding in coaches such as their ancestors used, or houses with snow on their roofs. And the Niatirbians are unwillint to say what these pictures have to do with the festival, guarding (as I suppose) some sacred mystery. And because all men must send these cards the market-place is filled with the crowd of those buying them, so that there is great labour and weariness.
   But having bought as many as they suppose to be sufficient, they return to their houses and find that there are like cards which others have sent to them. And when they find cards from any to whom they have also sent cards, they throw them away and give thanks to the gods that this labour at least is over for another year. But when they find cards from any to whom they have not sent, then they beat their breasts and wail and utter curses against their sender; and, having sufficiently lamented their misfortune, they put on their boots again and go out into the fog and rain and buy a card for him also. And let this account suffice about Exmas-cards.
    They also send gifts to one another, suffering the same things about the gifts as about the cards, or even worse. For every citizen has to guess the value of the gift which every friend will send to him so that he may send one of equal value, whether he can afford it or not. And they buy as gifts for one another such things as no man ever bought for himself. For the sellers, understanding the custom, put forth all kinds of trumpery, and whatever, being useless and ridiculous, they have been unable to see throughout the year the now sell as an Exmas gift. And though the Niatirbians profess themselves to lack sufficient necessary things, such as metal, leather, wood and paper, yet an incredible quantity of these things is wasted every year, being made into the gifts.
(to be continued...)

~CS Lewis
The timeless writings of CS Lewis, page 505

Home

2009-11-25T08:07:00.000-08:00

"If you are really a product of a materialistic universe, how is it that you don't feel at home there?"
CS Lewis

Quote of the Day

2009-11-18T08:20:00.001-08:00

"My argument against God was that the universe seemed so cruel and unjust. But how had I got this idea of just and unjust? A man does not call a line crooked unless he has some idea of a straight line. What was I comparing this universe with when I called it unjust? If the whole show was bad and senseless from A to Z, so to speak, why did I, who was supposed to be part of the show, find myself in such violent reaction against it? A man feels wet when he falls into water, because man is not a water animal: a fish would not feel wet. Of course, I could have given up my idea of justice by saying that it was nothing but a private idea of my own. But if I did that, then my argument against God collapsed too--for the argument depended on saying that the world was really unjust, not simply that it did not happen to please my private fancies. Thus in the very act of trying to prove that God did not exist--in other words, that the whole of reality was senseless--I found I was forced to assume that one part of reality--namely my idea of justice--was full of sense. Consequently atheism turns out to be too simple. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning."

~C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Derek Webb Live and Up Close

2009-11-11T23:12:00.005-08:00

Quite possibly my favorite anti-americanity musician (who am I kidding? He's the best!), Derek Webb came to campus last weekend for a small private acoustic concert for Fuller students. Yep, my roommate and I scored front row seats. Lucky Derek doesn't spit when he sings, we really were that close. Just sayin'.

This man and his music are worth checking out, if you haven't heard (of) him before. His lyrics may push you, but take the time to examine what he's saying, and how it compares to your Bible. You may be surprised to find that He's giving us more Biblical truth than you favorite cable news network.

A word to my baby-boomer friends: this isn't the Christian music you may be used to, but it will shed some light on where we X'ers and Y'ers are coming from. It became infinitely more clear to me last spring, as I participated in a round of the Truth Project at my church, that there is a huge generational gap in perspective at work within the american church. So many still believe that this is a Christian nation, literally Christian. So so many of us know it isn't. At least not any more. I'm not saying we should pack it in and go into hiding; I'm just saying that our perspective has a huge influence on how we interact with others. If we are coming from the misapprehension that everyone already knows who Jesus is, and that we just need to get this country 'back on track' we're sadly mistaken.

There are so many people right next to us who don't know what our Jesus-lingo means, and the only representative of Christ that they are getting exposed to are defensive talking heads who condemn. Of course we all have sin, and I'm not saying that God's just fine with it. But stop for a moment and consider, if you didn't know what sin is from God's perspective, and someone pointed their finger at you and told you that you're terrible and that you're damned for eternity for being who you are, would you be enticed to listen to anything they want to call 'good news'?

We do everyone a disservice if we think we're all on the same page. Maybe fifty years ago the nation was churched enough to know what all the lingo meant. But we're not in Kansas any more. And America is not the New Jerusalem.

Quote of the Day

2009-11-11T08:20:00.000-08:00

"Unfortunately, art itself seems to be in a crisis. It, too, has forgotten its service to beauty. May philosophers of art and art critics have lost conviction that art has any connection to the beautiful. Art has become, instead, a self-conscious dialogue with itself."
Alejandro R. Garcia-Rivera

Quote of the Day

2009-11-04T08:20:00.001-08:00

An up and coming ministry you should know about

2009-11-02T10:03:00.004-08:00

I returned yesterday afternoon from a beautiful retreat center nestled in the lovely village of Montecito. I found out about the retreat from the professor of one of my courses at Fuller, and signed up for various reasons, not knowing what to really expect. To my delight, however, the lovely leader, Kristen, came into our class the day before the retreat to briefly speak. She was a total kick in the pants, even a kindred spirit. It was for this and several other reasons that I was embarrassed and shocked when one of my peers in the class was so condescending to her. Here was an intelligent, articulate and studied woman trying to make a point, and when she paused to gather her thoughts, he raised his hand and offered "can I finish your thought?" and proceeded to tell her in essence, that she should have children because they are "healing" (see her blog where she recounts the incident with more detail). There are enough things wrong with what went down in that moment that I could rant out a whole other post that would probably not glorify God nor do anyone any good. So I'll get back to my point.

Like I said, I wasn't sure what exactly to expect at a retreat focusing on the issues involved in women's sexuality and what we could really address in less than 48 hours together. I have been part of two or three Bible studies that attempted to address this topic, and often it took weeks before participants were willing to be honest about their self image, the things that had hurt them, or past experiences. I was surprised at the speed at which the leaders took our topic to the heart of the matter, rapidly creating an atmosphere of trust and even blunt honesty that I wish could happen just as quickly and gently at all women's retreats. I was blown away at the number of women I could think of that I wished could have been there to participate. NOT because I could think of a list of women who were troubled, or needed fixing, but simply women who'd been hurt, or neglected, or believed a cruel word said to them. Women who still experience guilt or shame over some aspect of their body, appearance or femininity.

This retreat wasn't a quick fix. In fact, I left holding onto permission from Christ that I am not some broken woman who needs to be sent off to be fixed--as if there is a one-stop-shop Jiffylube womanhood mechanic that can wipe my memory, lipo my belly, and do my hair and makeup in an afternoon. Sure, there's some tender spots that Jesus and I can work on. Some grace I need to accept. This is something I think so many women need to recognize about themselves.

So, without further ado, I direct you to Kristen's ministry: A Beautiful Mess. Please visit her site, wander around, read her fabulous blog, get your mind spinning.

Quote of the Day

2009-10-28T08:20:00.000-07:00

"He loves each one of us, as if there were only one of us."
Augustine

Doing things out of order?

2009-10-23T15:37:00.018-07:00

Ok, so I know that the blogosphere loves Pics. I know this. Yet do I ever post any?

So, here are some over due pics of the move to fuller. Enjoy (sorry, many of these were out of focus, I forgot to change my camera to night setting before passing it around, my bad)

Sadly we only managed to take one picture in Vegas. In our defense, Jen and I were very tired.

Getting used to seeing these everywhere. Love it.

Had to go to the beach while the girls were still here.

and maybe just a little of the touristy stuff...

How do you distract yourself when you've moved to a place you don't know and feel overwhelmed with every thing you have to do? Assemble your furniture.
and enjoy the view from your bedroom window

Curious?

2009-10-21T11:12:00.003-07:00

Curious about what a grad student focusing on the intersection of faith and art has to read? (Because after all, grad school is a marathon of reading) Look at the widget on the side of your screen for the books on my 'to read' and 'currently reading' shelf. I make no promises that I'll keep the page number updated. Who are we kidding? If I had time to do that, I'm probably not actually reading the books...

Quote of the Day

2009-10-21T08:20:00.001-07:00

Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.
~C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Quick, Slow, Slow (confession #3)

2009-10-20T08:40:00.000-07:00

Several weeks ago, I was at lunch with some friends and one made the offhand comment that she just wasn't a Bible-study person. Several things happened at once, and I want to highlight two of them for our conversation today. When this comment hit the table, no one responded--their silence electing me as the Spokesperson For Convincing Others of the Value of Biblestudy. But I just didn't know what to say, so I too remained silent. I was listening to a young woman who I'd personally seen grow, dismiss the value of studying God's word for her life. She was willing to admit that it must be beneficial for others, but she simply wasn't one of those people.

There are so many tangents I could take with this. But, I want to focus on two: her comment and my reaction. As I sat silently at the table, I was trying to figure out the best way to respond. I knew in that moment, I could reinforce her statement, or could at least give her another angle to consider; and perhaps that angle would open her up to the possibility that Biblestudy is beneficial to all, including her. But, while I paused, someone else choose to speak for me. I am a bit of an entertainer, and those who know me personally know that I'll often take the path that leads to the laugh. A clinical psychologist could probably have a heyday analyzing my need to make people like me by entertaining them, even at my own expense. And this pattern in my behavior must have been the reason that another friend at the table announced something like "oh here it comes, Nicky's going to loose it". In a split second I was choosing between the thoughts I had been considering (how to encourage this girl to engage God's word) or to react melodramatically, as was expected, and make the situation (hopefully) a joke.

I'd like to say I convinced this girl that there was no such person as a not-a-biblestudy-person. That indeed, she may have been previously invloved in Biblestudies that had dissapointed her in some way; but that must have been a shortcoming of the study itself, the method or the format, or even the theacher, but NOT that she had nothing to gain from small group study. I'd like to say that I did that.

But, I instead allowed my other friend to (in essence) tell me how to react. I didn't actually "loose it" but I did offer some kind of muddled response between what I would've liked to have said, and a response far less gentle.

So this leads me to the two things I'd like us to ponder together, and I really hope that you take a moment to comment, I'd really like to hear your response (especially since I had to post the short version of this, since the full length would have been tooooo long)

What do you think of the question my friend posed at the lunch table? Do you think there are people who just aren't Biblestudy-people? Do you feel that way about yourself? If not, what would you have said?

Have you ever botched an opportunity to do or say the right thing in a loving way, because you were expected to react differently?

Quote of the Day

2009-10-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

"Beauty is the mark of the well made, whether it be a universe or an object."
Thomas Aquinas

Look UP

2009-10-09T15:59:00.005-07:00

Before I left Idaho I would frequently look up and catch sight of an osprey, or from time to time and eagle, and think to myself "here's one way I will miss Idaho. Surely I won't be able to look up and see birds of prey in the sky above LA."

As I became aware of this thought, I started purposefully looking to the sky to see if I might catch a glimpse of something large and majestic in flight. The more I looked, the more I saw. I looked for sentimental or even spiritual significance that could be attached to these sightings, and thought of a few. I cherished each sighting as a treasured parting sight of my home, as an encouragement from God, and as a reminder of promise.

When I drove out of Idaho, I chose to ride the first shift alone (with three of us traveling in 2 vehicles, there was always someone alone) because I was sure I'd probably get a little emotional. I thought about the goodbyes left unsaid, the relationships I've nurtured and the ones I've neglected. I chased the promise that the discomfort of change makes room for the fulfillment of God's bigger plans. And as I drove the lonely stretch between Boise and Mountain Home I saw what I believed would be my last bird of prey.

I've been in California three weeks now. My birds were in Idaho, and I am not, so I stopped looking up.

For a while.

But something caught my eye not too long ago. Just as I was leaving the Santa Monica beach, I looked up, and there it was. The largest bird I had ever seen in flight (I am pretty sure I was a condor, based on the markings. I had to look it up). At first, I thought it was a small plane, but as I continued to stare, it happened: wings flapped, and I knew it was a very large bird, much closer than the distant plane I had taken it for.

Today, as part of a class requirement, I spent about three hours alone with God in silence at a beautiful convent. I spent most of the time just listening, and abiding. And I just happened to look up. Circling the convent as if simply waiting for me to notice, was a golden eagle. It circled a few times overhead and then, making a few large grand passes, it flew away.

I mention all of this only to point out that I had no expectation to see such majestic birds once I was in the middle of such a big, busy city. But my experience continues to defy expectations, and I will remember, and continue to look up.

QOD

2009-09-30T17:08:00.002-07:00

A Christian is (or should be) defined as one who humbles himself or herself and chooses to enter into discipleship, to follow Jesus' path, to build his or her life upon his teachings and his practices even at great cost, to pass those teachings and practices on to others and thus to enjoy the unspeakable privilege of participating in the advance of God's reign.

~Glen H. Stassen and David P Gushee
Kindom Ethics

the dreaded loneliness post. (confession #2)

2009-09-27T23:44:00.007-07:00

Here it is, the one you may have been waiting to see, and hoping not to see all at the same time:

the dreaded loneliness post.

If you were expecting it to be different, you've never done this before. You've never left your whole tribe--left your Haran and gone out 'to the place you will be shown' (see Genesis 11:27-12:1). Perhaps you've never known the feeling of being hundreds of miles away from anyone who's known you for more than a few hours. The catch in your throat as you drive away from just about everything you've invested your life in. The piercing feeling that attacks your heart and your stomach simultaneously as you see your friends drive away to return to the home that isn't exactly yours anymore. It may be possible that you've never had to pep-talk yourself before walking into a new place all alone and hope to God that someone talks to you.

Yeah. Maybe you didn't know it would be this way.

And, I can't say you're the lucky one.

Maybe you did. Maybe you know that living a daring life has costs. Maybe you understand that to live passionately for your God means the choices sometimes hurt a little. Maybe you know. Maybe you know better than I do.

I heard tonight that LA is the second largest city in the country. Although I didn't know this before, it didn't surprise me. I've made the good team effort to deny my impulses to hide in my room, waiting for classes to start. I've accepted the invitations to attend parties where I know no one. To visit homes of strangers. To find comfort in the becoming-familiar faces of people who don't even know my name. And to hear that statistic tonight made me feel even smaller than I already did.

Yes. Every fun and exciting thing I've posted so far has been thoroughly true. I'm not putting on a brave face for anyone back home; and this post proves it. But this rounds out the story, because it would be a lie to tell you anything else. I'm not going to tell you I'm homesick, it's not true. I'm not going to tell you I'm not terribly excited to be here, it's not true (yes, a double negative). I'm telling you that I find it so thrilling to see the sun rising over my palm tree knowing that God put me here, and I still don't really know why.

Since I've left Boise

2009-09-24T08:41:00.002-07:00

-I've met my first surfer-scholar (imagine both cliche's smashing into each other)

-the Target store here has its own parking garage, and a man who patrols said garage on a segue. It has decals of shields and badges, and is meant to look official and intimidating, but the effect somehow isn't.

-the best way to park in Vegas is valet. Anywhere else I've been, the valet is only for people interested in dropping an extra twenty bucks for parking, but Vegas says it isn't so. Pay what you want valet service saves the day!

-Pasadena isn't humid (this I already knew) but it feels humid to a girl from the high desert of Idaho; at least for a few days. But now I've also brought the Idaho heat with me, so today we're expecting a high of 101. ugh.

-feeling confident about the LA freeway system doesn't mean you won't still get tense. Especially when the person in the passenger seat yells as a joke.

-speaking of the freeway, a gps is a lifesaver. But you should still have an idea where you're going. It's not cool when you're navigational brain stops telling you what to do while it's "searching for signal" since the last tunnel you went through. Plus if you miss your exit, you're out of luck for several more exits, as you pass by alternate route after alternate route as it recalculates multiple times.

checking in quickly

2009-09-20T21:20:00.003-07:00

Hello friends,
Just a quick note to let you know I am safe and well. I'm getting things set up in Pasadena, and my space is beginning to feel more like a bedroom than various piles of stuff. I'm looking forward to orientation officially beginning on Tuesday, but am grateful that I have another day to make progress on my apartment. I have successfully assembled a desk, bookcase and dresser by myself--much to the amazement of my roommates. One of my roommates asked what they teach us in Idaho (that would equip me to assemble Ikea furniture unassisted) and I told her that we're issued a tool box in the hospital when we're born---and she believed me for a split second.

Thank you for your continued prayers as I step into this new world. I have had moments of exhaustion, excitement, and even a few tearful moments as I've thought about the wonderful tribe I've had to leave behind. I am so happy to be here, and your support has made it possible.
Thank you!

CS Lewis Quote

2009-08-31T05:00:00.001-07:00

If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end. If you look for comfort, you will not get either comfort or truth, only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.

~C. S. Lewis

top 10 things that won't happen on a road-trip to Vegas with your christian girlfriends

2009-08-27T22:29:00.000-07:00

Ok. As you know, I will soon be relocating to the Los Angeles area to begin studies at Fuller Theological Seminary. A couple of girlfriends will be making the road trip down with me to help me move my stuff, and we've decided to stop on the way in Vegas for fun, since we have to stop somewhere on the way. In a fit of absurdity my friends and I were joking around about the things least likely to happen to us with one night to spend in Vegas. I make no promises that any of this will make sense to you, but we've had quite a laugh coming up with them. And if by some bizarre coincidence something on this list does happen to us... well, you know the saying. We're not going to tell.

10. any incident with a sky-diving Elvis
9. not likely to wind up on a date with Wayne Newton
8. not likely to wake up wed to a perfect stranger
7. will have no need to assemble our brilliant-yet-quirky team of criminal masterminds to do any of the following: steal back our estranged spouse/steal a fortune from multiple casinos/impersonate the celebrities we actually are/or take revenge on an arch enemy.

6. since we will be playing it relatively low-key, there will be no need to identify our remains by our plastic surgery; which is a good thing, since we're all implant-free, and would otherwise remain Jane Doe 1, 2, and 3 in the Vegas morgue.
5. are not likely to wake up with circus animals in our suite, or a mysterious infant.
4. are not likely to sneak down to the roulette table, claiming "I'm just going down the hall for some ice"

3. not going to wind up with a dead hooker in the trunk (ok, I'm not going to include the link to the movie reference here, simply because I disliked the film so much, I didn't bother seeing the whole thing. It makes the list because this is the item that started this top ten list to begin with)
2. not likely to have to disguise ourselves as chorus girls or drag queens to hide from the mob or exact information from an unwilling informant
1. none of us are likely to be found drunk, stumbling and swearing at the roulette table, asking a stranger to blow on the dice that aren't in our hand, while shouting "c'mon, mamma needs a new Bible!"

top 10 reasons christian guys date non-christian girls

2009-08-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

Ok. In followup to the warm response top 10 reasons christian gals date non-christian guys, here are the top 10 reasons christian guys date non-christian gals. (special thanks to Josh and Grace for their input)

10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. and
1. they put out.

honorable mention:
she never uses the phrase "God told me you were going to marry me"

Top 10 reasons christian gals date non-christian guys

2009-08-24T21:22:00.007-07:00

We all know at least one girl from church who dates non-christian guys, despite her heart-felt confessions at small group Bible study that she's really looking for a man of God who could be her spiritual leader. So why, you surely ask, does she repeatedly date guys who don't match the criteria? Thanks to my lovely friends Ashlee and Rachel we have come up with the top 10 reasons christian gals sometimes date non-christian guys:

10. you don't have to "court", whatever that means.
9. you know what he's after, regardless of whether or not you're willing to give it to him
8. you actually know when you're on a date
7. strangers in church won't ask you how soon the wedding will be
6. church attendance doesn't count as a date
5. breaking up doesn't include the either of the phrases "the only relationship I should be in right now is with Jesus" or "let's just see what God has in store for us"
4. you don't have to find a new church when it's over
3. he will never compare you to Proverbs 31
2. his list of qualities that he's looking for in a girlfriend doesn't include a willingness/ability to home school his future children
1. well, frankly, non-Christian guys are the ones asking

and honorable mentions go to:
notable absence of the pre-dating breakup: where one person in the friendship feels compelled to organize a DTR (define the relationship) to let the other person down easily, despite the fact that they've never been on a date together.
And,
he thinks the idea of "kissing dating goodbye" is absurd

confession 1: surly old lady

2009-08-24T10:37:00.007-07:00

I confess, I am sometimes a surly old lady. Granted, I'm not old, but if you read a transcript of some of the grumpy things I say and do, you would surely think Patty and Selma Bouvier are my kindred spirits. If you have met me on one of my SOL day's I apologize. Despite my friends' assurances that I am not a jerk, I have certainly caught myself displaying jerky behavior and to my everlasting shame, I have behaved this way in front of witnesses.

I was at the movie theater yesterday, and my friend and I were seated in a row where there was a railing in front of us, instead of seats. It's a special row, with pairs of seats spaced apart providing space for wheelchair access, and like every other patron at this theatre, my friend and I had our feet up on the bar. A man walked up--past several empty seats and at least half a dozen other people with their feet up--and stopped at a seat next to our railing told him to move his feet, and then proceeded to sit in the seat near the bar. Although this man did not say please (or even ask for that matter, really, he barked out a command) my friend gently smiled and moved his feet to a lower bar on the railing and further away from the man's seat. After several minutes, the man got up called my friend an a$$hole and moved to a different seat.

I was stunned at the completely random and unprovoked display. Plenty of rhetorical questions abound. Why my friend? Why that seat? But finally, How often do I behave that way? The man was indeed beastly, and I am proud to say that my friend was unruffled by the encounter. It left me wondering how often I exhibit the same attitude. Sadly, more often that is ever warranted.

Not too long ago, I walked into the new Chili's restaurant near my office. It was a busy day, right at lunchtime, and I was meeting friends. I asked if they just seated three gals, who were waiting for one more person (myself) and the multiple, cute little blond hostesses just looked at me in confusion, and then pointed to a very large group to my right. "Do you mean that party of seven?" Um, no. About then I noticed my friends to the back and pointed "oh there they are". Perfectly reasonable exchange, right? Except that as I took a step away "how hard is that?" (or something else totally catty) came flying out of my mouth. I didn't even think the thought before it came shooting out of my mouth. I didn't say it directly to any of them, and so perhaps the din of the busy restaurant kept a few of them from hearing it. But I'm sure at least one of them did. What I said was uncalled for and I have no idea why I said it.

So to those unfortunate witnesses who've seen my Surly Old Lady behavior I officially apologize, and hope that you see her less and less frequently. I'm working on the old bat.

Have you ever encountered your own surly old lady or surly old man?

new thread coming

2009-08-10T22:24:00.001-07:00

Confessions.
Turns out, I'm not perfect. Who knew? Well, yeah, everybody; myself included. Check in here from time to time to see how I get reminded.

Did you know?

2009-08-07T08:20:00.001-07:00

That everyone is experiencing their story, not yours, and not mine?

Sometimes we need to remember that everyone else isn't a surperflous character in the story of ME. Rather, we have the opportunity to be an excellent supporting character in the story of Them + God.

We also need to recongize the people who are being "excellent supporting characters" in our own lives. Not to make it about us again, but rather to acknowlege that even when it is kinda about us, we aren't in a vaccum. Other people are involved in our lives.

Over and over again, God called his people to erect memorials to events where God interviened for them. He understands the necessity for us to recognize and remember far better than we do.

Who do you need to recognize has having a signifgant impact on your life?

Really? How about some hot coffee to go with that lame law suit.

2009-08-04T12:52:00.003-07:00

Apparently, since I am not currently supporting myself as a paid actor or director, I could potentially sue BSU, where I earned a bachelor's degree. Read more here

Are you broken?

2009-07-28T21:11:00.003-07:00

Because, beloved, we are born into a broken world. And it will not let us pass through without being broken along the way.

So we are left with the decision to take up and bear the cross we are offered, or to let it fall on us and pin us down. We can bear it's weight; wrap our arms around it and embrace what has been designed by the world to kill us. Funny how the very thing God will work redemption through feels like the only thing we don't think we can survive. Well, that might be the point. Some part of us--the awful, hurtful, demon- in-training inside of us--isn't supposed to survive.

So, my dear, have you been broken? Does it hurt like hell? Are you going to hold onto it, stroke it and love it; find your identity in it as it consumes you? Or are you going to let Him heal you? Cause here's something else to chew on: our cross isn't our final destination. Our place of brokenness isn't our final destination. It wasn't His either. He promised to finish what he started.

Just have to do it.

2009-06-30T20:51:00.005-07:00

If you aren't reading Stuff Christians Like start now. HI-larious. And Smart. And true. And funny. I dig the side-hug tee's and will admit I scored an 86 on his Surviving Church as a Single Scorecard. Yes. 86.

Traveling Music

2009-06-24T11:21:00.002-07:00

I rarely feel as close to God as when I Embark. Traveling music calls my heart to worship in a totally unique way, and I thrill at the prospect of hearing God say "go to the place I will show you."

Here's the song I've had on repeat for weeks now.

And when I listen to it, I just can't wait to GO.

The way Fuller puts it

2009-06-22T18:24:00.002-07:00

THEOLOGY AND THE ARTS FORMAT

The theology and the arts format is designed to prepare students with a strong background and/or interest in the arts to work as practicing artist/theologians or as those able to navigate the intersection between theology and the arts. The goal is to produce graduates who will be shapers/interpreters of culture and/or theologically grounded artists. Those who wish to pursue work as practicing artists, teachers, workers in related fields, or those intending further study will gain the historical, theological, biblical, and cultural preparation that will enable them to work as practitioners/theologians.

Quote of the day

2009-06-19T08:40:00.003-07:00

"The purpose of political science is to allow the whole community to live together. If we erect these religious barriers of alienation, we will tear the social fabric. We need to be able to recognize that it is the whole society we have in mind, not a particular part of it, and the society as a whole is not in covenant with God. Although it is clear that Christian principles have heavily influenced our society." from a lecture on the forms of love, while discussing the posting of the 10 commandments in public. Dr. David C Jones, Covenant Theological Seminary

Bible Study Begins Tonight!

2009-06-17T12:06:00.006-07:00

Tonight we kick off our 10 week study of Esther, ala Beth Moore. I am excited, because I think we'll have a fun and unique group. I'm also excited because this is, hands down, my favorite Old Testament book. Why? Not because our protagonist is a woman (although that is refresing). Esther is written without direct reference to God--he's never mentioned by name, and is never mentioned as having specifically intervened any way throughout Ester's story. In fact, this has brought the book under scrutiny in the past, with some historical critics claiming that it shouldn't be considered part of the Bible. But I think that the subtlety of God's presence throughout the book is it's brilliance.

How often do you hear a narrator, like Harold Crick, over your life story saying "and then God did this..."? How often do you literally wrestle with angles, encounter burning bushes or see Jesus walk through the wall of your living room? Esther's story reads a lot like how we experince daily life. God's hands are all over it, there's no doubt, but the book is devoid of the dramatic biblical devices that we equate with God's involvement yet hardly encounter in our own lives. I think sometimes when we read stories in the Bible recounting the unbelieveable, we do actually find them unbelieveable. Our familiarity with these stories allows us to categorize them with fairy tales we were told as children. It's not that we don't believe God parted the Red Sea, we just don't think that's the same God we encounter today.

Well folks, it is. And Esther's story--a story that happens right in the middle of a whole lot of unbelievable activity--that reminds us that God is present in our life too; even if we can't hear a narrator tell us so.

Oh Americainty!

2009-05-27T11:45:00.009-07:00

Oh MY!

I recently coined the term "Americanity" in conversation with a friend. I was looking for a term to apply to the faux-christianity that seems so apparent through our culture. Where people call down on a benevolent mystery-god who will take care of them, and reward them in the afterlife for having been a good person. This god is always on your side in a fight, cares that you have a lexus with leather and seat warmers, and doesn't really care if you don't care about the homless, widows or orphans. He is appeased becasuse we put the phrase "In God we trust" on our money, and by our self restraint in traffic, when we don't chase down that jerk who cut us off and beat the living crap out of him--even though he really deserved it. The god of Americanity is faintly aquainted with the God of the Bible, and has little use for the name of Jesus (unless you've hit your thumb with a hammer). But the gospel? Oh my goodness no. To the god of Americanity, the gospel of Christ is devisive and judgmental. It calls people to actually put something else before themselves, and that can't be good, right?

But now I see that I had only half the picture. Americanity is coming into sharper focus. I realize that there are what we might call liberal and conservitives in the religion of Americanity--and the conservatives have published their own version of the Bible! Yes, the christian nation of America is here to save the world; but first we must save ourselves.

This does bother me, I hope you know. I've never been a big supporter of hyper-patriotism/supreme nationalism. I love quite a bit about our country, am grateful for the freedoms I enjoy, and hold the men and women who fought and who died for those freedoms in high regard. They deserve more than respect. But all this still comes in second to my true nationality, as a citizen in the kindom of Christ. If Jesus was concerned about policial supremacy, he really missed his chance 2000 years ago. Bummer.

book list?

2009-05-26T18:40:00.002-07:00

I thought about posting the list of books-to-be-read-pile I mentioned yesterday, but instead found this interesting widget on my friend's blog that lists your books, and separates them between "read", "to read" and "currently reading", and even lets you write a review. We'll give it a try....

waiting...

2009-05-25T21:38:00.005-07:00

Well, the application is long since turned in, and as may be expected, all manner of self doubt is now vying for my attention. So what to do? Focus elsewhere, I guess. I've pulled a stack of books out in an effort to finally get through my purchased-with-the-intent-to-read reading list (close to the top of course, is my beloved Don Miller; whom, it should be noted, I shall continue to read aloud--although I no longer have an audience. Don Miller is just better read aloud.) I've pulled out an un-finished Bible study, and a couple others that I may soon start.

All manner of avoidance aside, I still dwell on the persistent thought that I am not good enough to go to seminary. Not smart enough, not talented enough, too uneducated in all things theological; mundane rather than profound. No number of Don Miller's lovely chaper/essays will convince me otherwise, no matter how funny they are read aloud.
So, it's back to plan A. Pray. Trust. Hold on with both hands. Cause either way, I'm not going to make it through this thing alive based on myself alone.

Stand your ground, stamp your foot, dig your hole

2009-04-29T21:05:00.009-07:00

I am sitting in the Library coffeehouse in Meridian, trying to plug away at an admissions essay that has me, frankly, tied up in knots. Yet it seems like I might be in the right place to do my wrestling, judging by the number of people around me with Bibles out, it seems that I have stumbled upon Meridian’s (un)official Christian coffeehouse. Neat. I am faced with a question that covers at least six different topics, and I could easily reach the maximum word allowance on at least four of them.

Sometimes it is so hard to be succinct.

One of the topics I am attempting to be articulate over is the area of my calling. I am currently in the position of trying to navigate between two areas of life where it seems very evident I have been equipped to serve. On one hand, I have been exploring my giftedness in the realm of teaching bible study. I’ve had the privilege in the last couple of years to teach on several occasions, and to even co-lead a study with another woman (who happens to be a stunning example of Godly womanhood) named Becky.

On the other hand, I have been passionate for some time about the arts, and the role and calling of Christian artists in relation to the seeking world; especially toward fellow artists who may have been burnt by "religious people" in the past. There is a prominent contingency within the arts world (at least as far as I’ve encountered) of artists who have encountered someone claiming to be Christian, yet whodid not seem to embody any Christlike characteristics. Quite often, the encounter left them feeling more judged, abandoned and disenfranchised by the god who supposedly created and loves them. I’ve spoken to many artists who have had an encounter of this sort, and have found that one of the recurring character traits of those who did so much damage is their steadfast resolve to unbendingly stand their ground. They’ve engaged in conversations that quickly turned to debate, and were persistent past the point usfulness.

If truth is actually truth, it will remain truth whether we are stern or gentle about it. The resulting difference is the effect of our words and behavior. In fact, I believe that when we communicate with calm confidence we are far more convincing. Quite frankly, a gospel message that requires us to be rigid jerks in order to make our point isn’t much of a gospel. The Jesus I know is firm and confident, but also filled with love and grace. Jesus isn't a jerk, so there is no need for us to be, either. Yet so many engage the non-believing world in a manner that is so defensive it’s offensive. (I’m not talking about the offensive nature of the Gospel—the truth that pricks against our flesh and offends us simply because it exposes us for what we are. I’m talking about our attempts to proselytize that only alienate those we are trying to endear.) Many many more have been argued away from the Kingdom than argued toward it. Think about it.

So, this begs a question. Do we know the difference between standing our ground with firm conviction in what we know to be Truth, and argumentative behavior that is off-putting? When we are sharing our faith with others, are we standing our ground, stamping our foot, or digging a hole and throwing them in?

Book Quote of the Day

2009-03-31T21:38:00.011-07:00

"So perhaps the reason I shuddered at the idea of writing something about 'Christian art' is that to paint a picture or to write a story or to compose a song is an incarnational activity. The artist is a servant who is willing to be a birth-giver. In a very real sense the artist (male or female) should be like Mary, who, when the angel told her that she was to bear the Messiah, was obedient to the command. Obedience is an unpopular word nowadays, but the artist must be obedient to the work, whether it be a symphony, a painting, or a story for a small child. I believe that each work of art, whether it is a work of great genius or something very small, comes to the artist and says 'Here I am. Enflesh me. Give birth to me.' And the artist either says 'My soul doth magnify the Lord' and willingly becomes the bearer of the work, or refuses; but the obedient response is not necessicarily a conscious one, and not everyone has the humble, courageous obedience of Mary. "

Madeline L'Engle, Walking On Water

Ha!

2009-01-31T10:40:00.002-08:00

"Yeah, well I know the guy that made your face. He's pretty cool"

thought of the day

2009-01-17T14:13:00.003-08:00

A chocolate chip cannot make itself into a cookie. Neither can we make ourselves into what God is transforming us into.

Beth Moore Quote of the Day

2009-01-06T10:36:00.003-08:00

"Satan loves isolation. He wants to draw the believer out of healthy relationshiops into isolated relationships and out of healthy practices into secretive, unhealthy practices. He purposefully woos us away from those who might openly recognize the seduction and call his hand on it. Let's beware of anything that separates us from godly people"

giving up the tantrum

2008-12-02T21:57:00.004-08:00

Can we be bold enough to trust God without demanding a sign? A sign of his power? A sign of his love? A sign of his existance?
Can we be crazy enough not to demand that he distract us with the things we think we want? Can we catch onto a wild kind of faith that willingly dialogs with Him, sharing our hearts and minds, without prescribing how we think He ought to meet our needs? Could we just try to trust him? That someone so wild, fierce and brilliant, who could create everything might just be capable of knowing exactly what we need? Better than we do?

C. S. Lewis Quote

2008-09-25T06:37:00.002-07:00

Human beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea that they ought to behave in a certain way, and can't really get rid of it.

are you freaking kidding me?

2008-09-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

So here's something I just learned.

Americans spent 480 billion last year on cosmetics. Big number, huh? Now, there's a problem with about 80% of the world. People all over the planet do not have access to clean water. In villages all over the world, people are forced to get their water from contaminated sources. The water they are drinking is infested with disease, contaminates, even human waste. In a lot of these villages, obtaining clean water would be the simple matter of drilling a well and putting in a hand pump. I've heard this can be done for as little as $500 in some places.
So, do you know what the experts say it would cost to end the water problem globally? To drill wells, or implement water pruification systems? 10 Billion. Big number, huh? But wait. That's less than 2.5% of what we spent on lipstick, mascara and wrinkle cream last year.

Huh. maybe it's not that big a number after all.

Now here's why I'm asking, "are you kidding me?". This whole thing shocks and excites me at the same time. And I have to say, it's been the topic of conversation for me lately. In fact, I brought it up at lunch on Sunday. I'd met my mother and several other family members for meal, and happened to share what I've learned. And it made someone mad at me. I was actually told by one of my family members that I shouldn't go around telling people this. "No one will want to have lunch with you if this is what you have to talk about. You know, people just have to do what they have to do." My mother just gently patted me on the knee and told me to drop it. Bless her, I'm sure it was wise, but it was hard for me to swallow.

It just struck me dumb. I guess my perspective may be a little different than some people, because I don't see how what I was saying is offensive. But you know, it is, really. Because, cosmetics are a luxury and no one wants to feel guilty about their luxuries being related to the deaths of people on the other end of the globe.

But here's why I don't think it needs to be taken offensively: if we have 480 billion to spend on luxuries, even as we see our economy continue to disintergrate..... maybe we each could spare 5 bucks to help water get to those who need it. I think I could skip the next eye shadow, and just use up an old one; and just put that 5 bucks toward a well in Africa, or Indonesia, or India or somewhere.

I mean, that isn't even a sacrifice. I wouldn't even notice. Would you?

So, sorry if this offends you. I hope you'd still be willing to have lunch with me. Or maybe we could skip lunch, make a pb&j sandwich, my treat, and send our money to blood:water mission or the Eitemillers or someone else and make that 5 bucks matter.

I've fallen

2008-09-22T22:06:00.006-07:00

I freely admit that there's a vanity (if you'd call it that) that I entertain and even take a little pleasure in. It's those unexpected times when your eyes meet those of someone else and the glimmer in those eyes tells you that you are beautiful. It is not an everyday look that boosts confidence or drive. It doesn't accompany volleys of flirtation. It is more likely to happen on what you might consider a bad hair day. You may be in grubby clothes, perhaps executing some quite unglamorous (however necessary) chore.

He takes your attention, and there in his eyes is that sparkle that warms your stomach and weakens your knees just a little. For that moment you have the perfect self-esteem. In the back of your mind you're fully aware that there are many others who are more beautiful, more intelligent, more graceful, more exotic, and more elegant than you. You're also aware that any other man in the room could look at you, and there would not be the same glimmer in his eye. Mostly, you're aware that the glimmer that this man has for you allows you the grace to ignore those other things.

Later, you go home, you get ready for bed, and as you are finishing your nightly routine in the bathroom, you notice your own face in a different way and you--for a split second--see yourself the way he did. This, perhaps, causes you to gaze at your reflection a little longer than necessary, and though you might chastise yourself just a little for being vain, you'd gladly plead guilty to that sin than to give up the moment.

As you turn out the bathroom light and head off to bed, the thought occurs to you that maybe you misread the look in his eye. Perhaps it was a look of amusement, as he suppressed a laugh upon noticing the spinach stuck in your teeth. A knot of disappointment tightens in your stomach.

"Ah! But I did not eat spinach today!" you retort triumphantly; and the moment, the warmth--the lingering weak knees--are not taken from you.

And that, simply put, is how He makes me feel. I am in love with him, and relish the knowledge that despite every reason he shouldn't be in love with me, he is. He is sitting in his palace, next to his father, excitedly waiting for the moment when he can come take me away.

He loves me. He loves me. He loves me.

That's the whole thing right there.

He loves you too.

shadow boxing

2008-09-06T17:04:00.002-07:00

Pursuit of God.

We get told that we should be in pursuit of God, don't we?

We often approach the pursuit of God like we're trying to step on our own shadow: repeatedly stepping forward, trying to plant your foot squarely in its middle, only to find that it has moved just past you once again.

We run after God to attempt to somehow quench this feeling that He is unreachable, only to find the feeling really hasn't changed after all our efforts. We end up feeling exhausted and alone.

We miss the clear truth that we were already standing on our shadow, before we ever took that first step.

The pursuit of God is not about chasing after him, not the way we've been thinking. It's not really our pursuit. He's chasing after us! Glued to us, closer than our own shadow.
All we need to do is be still, and know He is God.

Why I have a crush on him, and why I won't do anything about it.

2008-08-20T21:36:00.012-07:00

It's 10:30 pm, and my brain is fired up. A small inkling, a thread of intuition, or maybe a tiny drop of paranoia has crept into my thought processes tonight, and I am all gun-ho to let it unravel here.

I am dang frustrated.

And I think, before I can really tell you what is so frustrating to me, I have to lay a few other things out first, so you can see where I am coming from. So now is the time to bring up that author I mentioned a couple of posts ago. There is a thirty-something man living in the northwest who has written a some successful books in the last couple of years, and I have to admit, I have developed a bit of a teenage crush on him. Let me interject before I go any further, that as far as I know, this man is neither married, nor in a serious relationship. I would absolutely not use him as an example in this article if I knew otherwise. And, while I'm interrupting myself, I'll add that I have decided to refrain from naming him outright. I think it would distract from my point (we can discuss why, if you would like, at another time). Let's just call him Frank.

My friend Christy came to live as my housemate for about a year, and during that time we picked up one of Frank's books and began to read it aloud to one another. I really must recommend it; it's just too bad you have no idea what book I am talking about. It was a recipe for disaster, in a way, because Frank's narrative was so endearing, I was immediately hooked on both his writing style, and my perception of his character. My enamorment only grew with each passing chapter. To lay out all the reasons would be excessive, so here's a highlight (in no particular order):

First of all, his theology pretty much rocks my world. Now brothers, please don't take this harshly. But I have to say, it has been a while since I have met a man my age (or near it) who showed evidence of that kind of strong, genuine relationship with Christ, that informs his daily life. I am not really considering my married brothers in this, and I do not mean any criticism of any of the men who are my friends. I know several excellent guys who have a genuine heart for God. But here's the deal: Christian ladies watch and listen (often unintentionally) to see how much of an influence Christ is having on your life. We naturally want men in our lives who are submitting to Jesus, even men who are just our friends. Should we actually stop and consider whether or not we'd be interested in more, this is without a doubt a factor we consider. Now, this doesn't mean you'd all better sign up for seminary just so we'll think your good enough. That is a whole other topic, and the post is coming in the near future. Let's just leave it at this: one of the reasons I've remained single thus far, is that I am not going to settle on a man who's lukewarm for Christ. So, a man who not only loves God, but can be so articulate about his faith that he can manage to write a whole book about it, is easily capable of scoring points with me.

Secondly, Frank is charmingly self-effacing when it comes to women. This is most likely a clever character development to make him more endearing to his female readers, but it works. Girls fall for it every time. It's one of the oldest tricks in the bag, and any guy who goes through girlfriends faster than gym socks uses it. Add to this the fact that Frank is also very good looking. I think that both of these characteristics must come from the same chromosome. These suspicions, however, haven't made him less attractive to me. I am after all, a girl.

I think I could list ten more reasons, but lets move on, shall we? So here I am. Easily 500 miles from this guy that I would just love to meet. Self deprecatingly admitting to my friends that I have a crush on that author Frank Soandso. Yeah, they've all read his book. But am I serious?? Not really. I really don't entertain any hope of ever actually meeting this man. And even in the oddest of circumstances, should I meet him, I wouldn't ever think that anything would come of it. So what's the point of all of this, you ask?

MY point is, I have known numerous sisters who are just too dang crush prone. So what if Frank went to my church? What if I really did have a chance to get to know him? What if I had come to all these conclusions about him, not because of the books he's written, or the talks I've heard him give on my favorite podcast, but simply because we moved in the same circle? What if I had a REAL crush on him? I have to admit, that I have been blissfully crush-less for several years now, and I believe that it is a sign that God is getting somewhere with me. Oh LORD in Heaven, please let that be the truth!

I believe pretty strongly that when it comes to romantic relationships, the pursuit belongs to the man. I believe God designed it this way. Men and women are each wired according to his design and when we start reversing our roles, disaster inevitably follows. Men value what they have to chase down and fight for. Women value being fought for. BUT GIRLS, you start messing with the equation when you let yourself crush on a guy! A gal with a crush will always pursue, even if she's trying not to. And gals we have really got to KNOCK IT OFF. Let me try to really drive my point home: I think it is fair to say, that when we pursue a man, it is emasculating to him. And no man will be able to respect a woman who does that to him. You just won't succeed, and there is always damage done to you in the process.

I have to tell you ladies, that if you are in your twenties or later, and you still catch yourself entertaining the idea of a certain guy, one who isn't openly pursuing you, cut it out. Now, we do sometimes have the knee jerk reaction to an attractive man, one that we can't really control, where we take a moment on some sub-conscious level and decide if we'd be open to the idea of him chasing after us. I don't think that's a problem. I do think it is, when we realize that we've come to the conclusion that we'd be open to the pursuit, and then start focusing on a hope that he will. BooM. Instant crush. That's really all it takes, doesn't it? So like I said: Knock it off. I am saying this as a sister who's been there. I feel ya, I really do. Our strongest opinions come from the places we've been, not the places we've read about. As for me, I simply do not consider a man until he clearly initiates. Period.

But boys, you aren't off the hook here either. Man up and pursue the gal you're after. It isn't as hard as it looks. In fact, it's really easy. And if you've noticed a sister batting her eyelashes at you, either honorably pursue her or gently let her down. Don't just hope it will go away. That does not work! Things just get more and more awkward.

And everyone, be cool with one another for goodness sake. I actually experienced a situation a couple of years ago where a good friendship was developing with a brother that got mis-read as a crush. Talk about awkward... But I am glad he asked, 'cause our friendship could have been ruined. Our talk turned out well, because he asked gently, and no one was defensive. Remember to love each other with brotherly and sisterly love, it really does help.

Valkyrie, the adopted daughter

2008-08-04T21:32:00.002-07:00

As promised. And yes, if you must know, I did cheat and copy/edit an old myspace post.

enjoy:

Valkyrie~ generally speaking, she is a hand-maiden of God.
But really, it's taken from Norse mytholgy, for the young women who served Odin. The valkyries' purpose was to choose the most heroic of those who had died in battle and to carry them off to Valhalla. She is a sheild-maiden, a servant, and a warrior in her own right. Yet her purpose is fulfilled when she is in service to god. I am, clearly, stealing from a pagan religion and applying it to my relationship with the One True God.

Some tidbits from the web:

In modern art, the valkyries are sometimes depicted as beautiful shieldmaidens on winged horses, armed with helmets and spears.

the armour of the valkyries "sheds a strange flickering light, which flashes up over the northern skies, making what men call the 'Aurora Borealis', or 'Northern Lights'.

In the Heroic lays, however, the valkyries are described as bands of warrior-women only the leader of whom is ever named. She is invariably a human woman, the beautiful daughter of a great king, though she shares some of the supernatural abilities of her anonymous companions.

Richard Wagner incorporated Norse tales that included the valkyrie Brünnhilde (Brynhildr) and her punishment and subsequent love for the warrior Siegfried (Sigurðr) into his operas Die Walküre, Siegfried and Götterdämmerung. These depictions and others have subsequently led to modern representations of valkyries less as figures of death and warfare and more commonly as romanticised, pristine white and gold clad figures riding winged horses.

The name in Old Norse, valkyrja, means literally, "chooser of the slain."

The descriptions of Odinn's hall describe the Valkyries as foster-daughters, just as the einherjar (the chosen warriors of Odinn) are foster sons Freyja is said to be the first of the Valkyries, called Valfreyja, "Mistress of the Slain," she pours ale at the feasts of the Aesir . The Valkyries also have duties in the great hall. There, having exchanged their armor for pure white robes, they will serve the warriors they have chosen.

The Valkyries are also Odinn's messengers and when they ride forth on their errands, their armor causes the strange flickering light that is called the "Aurora Borealis" (Northern Lights).

clear as mud?

the non-post post

2008-08-03T22:37:00.003-07:00

It's been ages since I've checked in with you and I have to admit the backlog is beginning to get to me. I've got several articles competing for my attention, and I hardly know where to begin. So, I've been stalling.

And here it is: I'm stalling again.
In a way.

I just really wanted to get something posted right away, and so I am using this post as a small dose of accountability. And to gain a false sense of accomplishment, I suppose.

So here's the deal. I've had a lot on my mind lately, and have had some interesting conversations, all of which I'm bursting to share with you. So, by way of committing myself to it, I've decided to give you an idea of what's on the menu. Feel free to give me a hard time if I name something here, but don't seem to be getting around to the actual post.

First, I've been yacking non-stop about a certain author lately, and really want to share my thoughts on the matter with you. I'm still deciding the merit of naming him outright in the article, so be prepared: he may remain anonymous for the sake of my point. As it stands right now, it seems that if I name this man the point of the article (being mainly about how I, as a daughter of the Most High God, should handle the situation) would simply degenerate into a ridiculous internet confessional, and my blog will be hurtled entirely out of the realm of all usefulness, into the oblivion of meaningless-internet-white noise. But, let me move on before I start to sound ridiculous. I will however mention, that this particular article is a culprit in my current delay. I'm particularly interested in writing this one first, and suspect that it will be long. I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up splitting it into two or more entries. There, now you're warned. But I think it will be worth your patience.

I have also been thinking that a couple of personal posts are in order. First, the significance of the word valkyrie, and why I have chosen to refer to myself this way. I don't believe the meaning is altogether evident, and so I feel compelled to offer an explanation or a definition. Be warned however, that I will probably cheat, and just copy the article from my myspace page. I've already written an explanation there, as it is my screen name on the infamous social networking site.

The other personal post will be something of an explanation of the nature of this blog--an apology if you will--as to why you won't see family photos here, or recipe exchanges, etc. I prefer to leave those thing to the afore-mentioned myspace page, where I actually mirror many of these posts. And will possibly include the only photo you'll probably see of myself on this blog. Remember it as an historic moment. Truly. (It's already on my myspace page, and yes, I admit, I have a diminished sense of variety).

Add to this a few conversations I've had lately with some dear sisters, involving wheelchairs, purpose and passion, and spiritual leadership, and you might be able to sympathize with me and my procrastination. I don't know about you, but I do find it difficult to focus on one topic when I have half-a-dozen ricocheting off of each other inside my little head.

So there's my confession, and my request for accountability. My friends and co-workers will appreciate your help in this, since the longer I drag my feet on writing, the more I gab their ears off with these ideas. It will be nice to eventually put them to bed.

In the meantime, I'm putting myself to bed. It's late.

Good night!